Tuesday, July 04, 2006

To my daughter and her mother.

This I pray before I sleep,
my dear family I wish to keep.

Please don't take them far away,
where I cannot watch them right away.

Tell my young child not to cry,
for her father would always try.

Ask my dearest to have hope,
without love we can't have cope.

Grant them courage to be strong,
for my time with them isn't long.

Keep them safe inside my heart,
so that we would never part.

This I pray before I sleep,
my love for you is yours to keep.

Zaki Zulfiqar

___i m Loved-
1:30 am

Thursday, June 22, 2006

You might say there's a light in your eyes. Now I'm holding out a light for you.Longer it grows dimmer.Until there would only be darkness in my heart. Without you.

___i m Loved-
5:38 am

Friday, December 30, 2005

I miss you...I feel so empty inside of me.My soul is like so...dead.I see you everyday but yet do you think there was enough communication?I know you have Dian to concentrate on when I'm not around,thk you for that.But just 5mins would hurt calling me up?Even then each time i call you u'd said u're busy or either so u'd b pissed at me cutting thru the internet line or u being tired n not wishing to talk or there'e a gr8 show on TV thats just too good to b missed.Maybe I'm to be blame for concentrating too much at work.am i?Even when I'm at work,my my heart n soul is at home thinking abt the both of you.I bet you didnt know that n to think that u'd accused of being with some other man.Sometime's I wonder if we're meant to be.I wish I could see e future.Cos if there's no US at the end of the day,I just want to pack up n leave knowing that we'd never b THERE.Too much memories hurt.I'm not that strong to overcome the pain.
Where are you?the old you...I miss you so so so much.You were always here to make me happy,cherish me,meke me feel beautiful,make me like i'm on top of e world, u use to hold me close n put me to sleep...i miss all of that most importantly its you missing in my heart.Don't you think i've been patient enough just watching this acts of yours n still accepting it?U asked what i want for christmas when I presented to you ur gifts,I told you all I want is for to treat me right.But...are u fulfilling my wish?I'm thankful meeting you n having you in my life.Our journey in this relationship was not a smooth sailing one either.but this time around its the first i'm seeing that there is no longer US.
I'm leaving.and I'm sorry.Let's just have our time apart.If you think there's something to this love worth saving for,even so,we'd talk abt that later.Spare me the pain,Zaki.Do i have to beg you to LOVE ME?Ibu's so sorry my darling Dian if me n ur dad doenst work out.So sorry to put u in this position.I love you still,Zaki but maybe e time's just not right yet.Maybe.


I remember how it used to be...
Where nothing else mattered but you and me.
Candies, walks, gifts, and Long term Talks.

I miss you, I wish you could see...
How much I think about you and me...

I remember when you said, I was your everything. I remember when you mean is that too. Now, when you say it, it's more like a phrase. And ur sweet nothings, make me cry more over you.

Those days when you'd call just to say hi..Back when it was so hard just to say goodbye.

Down my heart, there forms a crack.
It was created a little while ago... Because of how much I want you back.

The old you, the one I thought I knew.
For all of these years, we went from being friends to being in love...
It seems to me, now, like We're none of the above.

I dont't want to let go...
I have tried and tried. The endless solution; I cried and cried.

Tears of pain and tears of hope...
It was these times I need you just to cope.
You turn around and hurt me bad, you spin my heart, and make me sad.

Your actions don't stop and yet I forgive you everytime...I wish I could say that you are only mine.

Don't you miss me, don't you care?

Isn't the love that I have to give enough to help us through? Why can't it be enough baby I'm so in love with you? I guess as time goes on and it continues...
What was once your everything, is all you have to loose.

I remember how it used to be...
Where nothing else mattered but you and me.

Those times, When time simply stood still...
and we kissed, that perfect kiss .
Why did he take it away from me? It's because that is how reality is.

___i m Loved-
5:27 am

Sunday, December 18, 2005

helloz...we're going out soon enough later when darl wakes up.we are going to my mum's place and then perhaps esplanade or parkway parade to take picspics...nice ones.well,my Dinner n Dance was a-okay.Like wat Kiki says.The food kinda sucks too.N me?oh wells,wondering till when darl stop calling me as Ayah too.ARGH!!haha.she knows her own name too.she calls herself Kaka.Yesterdsy we went over to Toy r Us at Jurong Point.She walked around and saw the pram for dollies and held on to it like it was already hers.haha.we didnt buy it in e end but got her this sweet for babies.She likes it really much.My life right now...doing ok i have to say.Watching Dian grow up everyday.Watching Zaki n his craziness.Wat ever happened to dearest Jah?Just tahan lah for the sake of mencari rezeki...moreover Andi have right.Ade jugak companion.I'm just a phone call away k.N Ilah!Thanx for lending the digicam.When do i return u ya?tmrw?So glad to see you the other day when i got the cam from you at redhill mrt.Indeed its true that u have gone slimmer n also...taller!goodness.how much time passes by.i miss you both dearly...n nasuha.yaya?watever has been with her.i wish her all the best though.miss you all.Cakap jer nak jumpa but all of our time rarely co-ordinates.Hope the flashback memories of us being the notorious naughty ones in school are still fresh in your minds.Haha!!Mdm Tay,Mr Ng Boon Teck and so much more.How we drive them up the walls.N our dancing dancing days.Hohoho.Kerusi,kipas pun angkut sekali jadi props.(",)tomorrow one of my colleagues turning in 21.celebrating at Riverside Restaurant.I'm just turning 18 in 4 months time.3 more years to 21.Dian is 1yr 5mths.Entering her in skool soon.Playgroup.Sigh.Zaki's having his A's next year.Hope evrything for the year 2006 will be smooth.Me?Be taking my late O's n...working part time.oh...jacq,no worries.I understand what u're going thru.I'm here for you too.All the best everyone.Got to go..MmmmmMMMmwwWWWwwAAAaaaAAaHHH!

___i m Loved-
2:35 pm

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Just signed up a savings/insurance policy with Prudential the other day. Got to start thinking about the money needed to build our family. The policy is a long one, twenty-five years. Before Syafiqa came along, I used to think that I don't really have to think about how the heck I was supposed to support my own family later on. Now more than ever,I'm afraid that Syafiqa would not have enough money to get a university education.And I haven't even sat for my A levels. God,I'm so serious about money. Now I'm even thinking of getting a Save-as-you-earn account at POSB just so I would have enough cash to throw around.I'm not thinking of a wedding just yet. I'm thinking of how to get a roof over our own heads.

___i m Loved-
11:16 pm

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Sick once again..having high fever.I don't know why,I always seem to get infected from Syafi.Fever,sore eyes,hand foot and mouth disease and I'm pretty sure that my hospital stay got something to do with her.I think it's the father/daughter bond;the bond of illness that is.

Went out way early in the morning yesterday.A family excursion if you will.Reached Ngee Ann City about 7.30am for the delifrance breakfast buffet. For $6.90 each,you can eat all the pastries that have been set out. But I think the only thing worth eating is the baguette and the orange juice;the rest will make you sick in the stomach soon after. Maybe I try the various steaks next time. Went to work while they walk around the place. Ate a bit at the food bazaar(a hotdog wrapped in a prata for $3.50? You got to be kidding me!).Later went to Bugis for dearest handphone,a month and it's still not ready. Passby at Popular on the way home. Got Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix for $15!Hah,it's worth waiting around for books to age. Funny lah Syafi,she wanted this hardcover toy book so I got for her.After buying it,she took the book and placed it back on the self and said "Tak nak".Haiz,then when the photo printer was out of order and dearest ask for help,the woman said she would look for someone. Syafi grab her and said something like "No No ah." Haha..What lah she..our little bully..

___i m Loved-
6:57 am

Friday, November 11, 2005

Told hidayah about my dream...I think she didn't believe it.I don't care what she thinks about it anyway.But it was so real but illogical,syafiqa being a boy,a intellectually disabled one at that. It's some kind of omen,I know it.Hope it menat nothing about syafiqa.God,I miss them both.

___i m Loved-
4:09 am